It's not what you think... On Halloween last year, south of San Francisco, two drunken lads out to impress their lady friends decided to visit an ostrich ranch. They climbed into a paddock and woke Gaylord - a 130kg male ostrich - who was not impressed with their antics. He attacked the pair, breaking ribs, and giving the ladies something to be impressed with. The pair beat a hasty retreat and returned with guns to settle the score, as you do when you haven't grown up watching Sesame Street. The story ended earlier this month with jail sentences for the two. I'd hate to be either of those lads on the bus to prison and be asked what I was doing time for... (thanks graeme.)